Jas @anamundistudio and I are working on a little project together – each month we’re giving each other a word to meditate on, in flowers. This month, I am ‘monster’… I’ve been in my head a lot lately… a common place to find oneself in their mid 30s, I’m told. When I’m up there, I’m astounded by the number of ’selves’ that inhabit those inner walls. I’ve started imagining various iterations of me gathering over a martini to discuss the daily news – “looks like a shit-storm of self doubt comin’ our way gals, time to bring the monsters out…” The monsters are my chorus of protectors; characters each with their own distinct role. For a long time, my monsters lived in shadow — I hadn’t yet realized the purpose they serve. Wired for safety, we draw upon our monsters when in fear — aversion, deflection, pride, defensiveness, the list goes on, and we all have our own brand. While I don’t stand behind the indulgence of these attributes, I do advocate for becoming familiar with them. Walking hand in hand with my little monsters has been the best way to set them free. We’re dynamic creatures — constantly shifting and changing — making room for more versions of self has never felt more poignant than now. I don’t know that I’ll ever be a proud owner of the defensiveness gene; but I understand my monsters and I can appreciate what they’re trying to do. I made this little weirdo for Jas — my monster in all her glory; complex, a little bit ugly, a little bit beautiful and a whole lot of me.